The Consolation of Loneliness

    You used to always be here, but now as we go our separate ways and begin our new lives my eyes are filled with tears at our decision to part and go to different colleges. “You were always there, both day and night. You were always there, even after a fight. I always knew I could count on you, no matter what challenges life decided to throw, but then we continued to grow and grow”(me). For my entire life I have never felt alone, that is until we both grew and started lives of our own. I went off to college to start my career and you got married! I’m so happy for you, don’t get me wrong, but still this stage of life, is this first I’ve ever felt alone. You’re no longer here with me every day and night. You know everything about me. You are my best friend. However, life happens and now we are apart. Of course we are still just as close as ever in our hearts, but in reality we are miles and miles apart.

    Now that you are gone, I have a new friend who is constantly with me. She is here with me always, but she is nothing like you. She is always present, yet never speaks unless to remind me that you are no longer here. She tells me I have nothing without you and that life is not the same. She even tells me that my life is now bad without you always in it. She is a real “Debby downer” and she is nowhere near as fun as you. She makes me miss you. Her name is loneliness.

    She visited me today. When I woke up to the sound of my alarms she greeted me with “hey, remember today that you are no longer with your twin.” After she greets me when I awake she then sticks by me throughout the rest of my day. She lingers as a constant reminder that we are no longer together daily. In the beginning she did not visit as much. But the longer we stayed apart, the more she began to visit me. Now she is here constantly, except for when you come around. When you come around she becomes very jealous and just lingers in your shadows as a reminder that when you leave she will reappear.

   It is just crazy for me to think back to when she was non existent in my life. My dear beloved friend loneliness was nowhere to be found. I miss the days when you were here instead of her. But those days are no longer and this is my life now, so I have to find a way to deal with her being here now. For my first semester I had no clue how to deal with her. She was out of control. All she ever did was bring my spirits down and I had no clue what to do. Over time I have learned how to deal with her though. I have to pretend that she is not there and focus on the good before me. I have learned that if I forget that she exists, she actually becomes non existent.

    However, that does not take away from the fact that she exists. Every now and then she will slowly creep back into my life when I least expect it and bring me down but I have, so far, always been able to recover and push her away. I have gotten used to her being around but now I do not let her bother me. Every now and then she will try to convince me of being lonely, but I do not believe her lies anymore.

    I now realize that no matter what she tells me, even though you are not here, that I am never really alone. I never would have come to that realization without my friend loneliness entering my life. She taught me to look around and appreciate the friends that I have and to not overlook or under appreciate the friendships and relationships in life that I have. So, although Loneliness is not the best friend, she has taught me a lot. She does not come around as much anymore but when she does she is a reminder of my blessings and I’m actually thankful for that. I have learned a lot from her and I never expected to do I consider myself lucky that I am able to have her in my life as a constant reminder to be thankful for what was, and what is to come. Be thankful for change and all that comes with it.